Random October 27, 2009

I’m fine, I know I’m fine.

My best buddy left nothing but just a text saying ‘Don’t worry, I’m fine.’

Yeah, no worries, I’m fine with that.

She deactivated her FB.

Okay, as long as she feels better that way, I’m fine with it.

She rather suffers herself and push everyone away for almost a week.

It’s ok, I knew that she will do so whenever she felt real bad and down. I’m fine.

I saw my ex-classmates taking picture in London. They are going to further their studies in UK.

Oh well, I went there few times and I’m going there again end of the year. I’m fine with that though I can’t further mine there.

I feel bad, I wanna cry. But in fact, I can’t. I must stay strong and hold my tears.

Oww, that sounds sad. Hmm, but still I’m fine. It’ll overcome itself when time comes.

I start to wonder why I need to talk to myself here in WordPress.

Nevermind about it, at least I’m talking to ’someone’. I’m fine.

There’s nothing else I can do? Or maybe, start to do some sort of revision?

Nah, I hate doing revision. I’m fine with that even if I failed my unit.

I wonder why wordpress can’t let me set a password for my selected post.

Hmm, maybe if I purchase their ‘full version’, the functions will be available. Oh well, I’m fine with it too.

There’s no one I can talk to at the moment, sounds pity..

Haha, not that pity. That always happened on me. I’m fine I’m fine.

When will this post end?

I think I’m almost there. I started to feel myself like an idiot. Haha, no problem. I’m fine with that too.

So was that my last paragraph?

Yeah, guess so. Bye there and thanks for accompanying!

Bye, Trishby.

I’m fine, trust me.

Home Alone October 6, 2009

I’m alone at home again. Sometimes, I do enjoy staying alone at home because I can do anything I want, no one will bother at all. However, I don’t feel like being alone today. I’m totally depressed.

I wonder why human’s brain can be so complex. I had a friend in university. I’ve totally no idea what am I to her. She told me she was being ignored by her housemates and told me that she never did that to the others because she understand how bad does that feels. Today, she did it again to me. I never thought of bothering it because she is some sort of annoying to me but today I totally burst out. I hate to see her again in campus. I wish so much that I can fly to Perth immediately without her following.

Our campus posted our marks using our ID due to privacy issue. Yet, I feel no privacy at all as she basically memorized my both IDs. She can even remember my marks more than her owns. Fuck. She never get any permission from me for doing that. I really hate it. Besides that, whenever I’m at the ATM, she likes to stand besides me, seems like very interested with my password and so do my account balance I guess. Fuhhh.

I told myself, she will be my lowest border line. I will never let myself have lower a single mark of her. I successfully did it in my first year. But this semester, I got a terrible feeling that she will crawl over me. I hate myself for being so calculative because she only gets 1 marks higher than me in total at the moment. I hate myself for being so envious towards everything about her. I hate myself for being so comparative. Since when I became such a bitch?

I start to miss Kev and Viv. Only with them, I feel myself normal and secure. They never judge me, never dumped me alone. The most important thing is, I will never feel like comparing myself with them. They are too perfect to me and nothing can replace them. Sobs. Where are they by the way? I started to feel the imbalance feelings inside of me rushing around. I’m afraid I’ll do stupid things again.

Why am I always so easily get attacked by these weird feelings when I’m alone? Why am I so week? Why am I so easily being affected? Why can’t I further my studies with Viv instead with that bitch? Whatever it is, I seriously hope that I can go to Perth immediately thought I might miss a lot of things here.. I feel like having a new life for myself. Another chance for me to make my life goes better.

Wind is blowing real strong out there, yet, doesn’t seems like going to rain. The ‘bang bang’ sound from my neighbour seriously gets my nerves. I wonder are they deaf or what. How come they don’t get their door or window fixed, allowing them to bang around. Idiots.

My brain is getting dizzy now, but I don’t feel like taking a nap. An hour crying might helps. I promise I’ll be fine soon. I won’t end my life on my own. No worries.

The Bloody Bitch,

Trishby

Applause to Dr. Jagdish Bhagwati! August 31, 2009

Japanese save a lot. They do not spend much. Also Japan exports far more than it imports. Has an annual trade surplus of over 100 billions. Yet Japanese economy is considered weak, even collapsing..

Americans spend, save little. Also US imports more than it exports. Has an annual trade deficit of over $400 billion. Yet, the American economy is considered strong and trusted to get stronger.

But where from do Americans get money to spend?

They borrow from Japan, China and even India. Virtually others save for the US to spend. Global savings are mostly invested in US, in dollars.

India itself keeps its foreign currency assets of over $50 billions in US securities. China has sunk over $160 billion in US securities. Japan’s stakes in US securities is in trillions.

Result:

The US has taken over $5 trillion from the world. So, as the world saves for the US, Americans spend freely. Today, to keep the US consumption going, that is for the US economy to work, other countries have to remit
$180 billion every quarter, which is $2 billion a day, to the US!

A Chinese economist asked a neat question. Who has invested more, US in China, or China in US? The US has invested in China less than half of what China has invested in US.

The same is the case with India. We have invested in US over $50 billion.But the US has invested less than $20 billion in India..

Why the world is after US?

The secret lies in the American spending, that they hardly save.. In fact they use their credit cards to spend their future income. That the US spends is what makes it attractive to export to the US. So US imports more
than what it exports year after year.

The result:

The world is dependent on US consumption for its growth. By its deepening  culture of consumption, the US has habituated the world to feed on US consumption. But as the US needs money to finance its consumption, the world provides the money.

It’s like a shopkeeper providing the money to a customer so that the customer keeps buying from the shop. If the customer will not buy, the shop won’t have business, unless the shopkeeper funds him. The US is like the lucky customer. And the world is like the helpless shopkeeper financier.

Who is America’s biggest shopkeeper financier? Japan of course. Yet it’s Japan which is regarded as weak. Modern economists complain that Japanese do not spend, so they do not grow. To force the Japanese to spend, the Japanese government exerted itself, reduced the savings rates, even charged the savers.

Even then the Japanese did not spend (habits don’t change, even with taxes, do they?). Their traditional postal savings alone is over $1.2 trillions, about three times the Indian GDP. Thus, savings, far from being the strength of Japan, has become its pain.

Hence, what is the lesson?

That is, a nation cannot grow unless the people spend, not save. Not just spend, but borrow and spend.

Dr. Jagdish Bhagwati, the famous Indian-born economist in the US, told Manmohan Singh that Indians wastefully save. Ask them to spend, on imported cars and, seriously, even on cosmetics! This will put India on a growth curve. This is one of the reason for MNC’s coming down to India, seeing the consumer spending.

‘Saving is sin, and spending is virtue.’

But before you follow this neo economics, get some fools to save so that you can borrow from them and spend!!!

Get Away! Shoo! August 28, 2009

Crap. It’s here again. I thought I would have missed it. Damn. I swallowed 2 pills once I woke up without having any meals. I know it’s gonna hurt my stomach but nevermind bout it. Nothing is worst than menstrual pain. I hate when the PMS is here. I feel so weird and uncomfortable. It sounds irritating but I really wanted so much to cut my ovaries away. I hate it when every month, the first day of period, hugging my little hot water bottle, shouting, crying and sweating as if I were giving birth to my little ones. Duhh. Sometimes, I really hope to get pregnant, so I can get rid all of these idiots. I’m so desperate.. Arghh!!

This is gonna be the shortest post from me.. I don’t even have to mood or effort to continue it.. I hate you, PERIOD!!

What’s inside the teenagers nowadays? August 9, 2009

Well, let’s make things clear before I start my story. I’m just 21.

The main character of my story will be a 17-18 years old teenager. Male. Rub off the academic part. Interested in dancing, and quite pro I can say. Hmm, outlook.. So and so. Anyway, the main point is, he is going up and down, finding a GUESS purse for a girl. It’s quite complicated bout the relationship but what the guy said, she ain’t his girlfriend. Okay, so here’s where my question mark arouse. Why is it a must, a GUESS purse? I didn’t say that, chasing a girl, buying her stuff is abnormal. But why? Why is it a GUESS purse? Gosh.

What happened to the teenagers nowadays? Or is it, I had a serious generation gap with them? I feel like, there’s a huge gap between us. I no longer manage to understand what’s in their mind. Undeniable, I don’t really manage to get what’s in my cousins mind as well though they are much more younger than the guy. Anyway, I think I’ll only manage to get the answer when I’m back to my hometown. Gotta need a spy to do his work by then.

I seriously got to know that girl, I think Viv will thought the same as well. I feel such a failure cause I can’t manage to cause a guy, which is NOT my boyfriend, to buy me such costly stuff. I’ll feel guilty even if it’s a birthday or christmas gift for me. UNLESS, there were lots of them sharing the gift. Anyway, I won’t manage to get it cause I have not much such friends to share with.

Oh well, I must put this aside by now. Gonna have class early in the morning tomorrow. I hate class especially when the air is seriously polluted by haze. Sigh. I wonder will the mask manage to help out. I can’t even see the buildings 100m away from me. Damn. Why is it school still on? Why are they forcing us to be the mobile filter? Gosh. I feel so bad with my throat and nose. Feel so sorry for them. I wanted to drink more water and stay more often at home but the idiot tap in the kitchen torn off. Duhh. Why is it the repairman not here yet!! I hate them for being so inefficient and charging for an unreasonaly price.

My life is full of question marks. Sobs.

First day back to school.. July 27, 2009

There’s something I must admit, is that I seriously act like a kid. I cried just because I don’t wanna go to school. Thank God, I got Kev besides me. When I compare with his timetable, I felt better. His timetable was 100 times worser than mine. Oh well, there’s nothing I can complain then!

This semester will gonna be tougher than last semester I can tell. Everything is about writing, not so sure bout the law subject. I feel so terrible when I saw the unit outline of my PR subject. Using two hours to draft out press releases and so on in the lab. Shit. How am I suppose to write in such a short period!! Moreoever, I can’t type using my laptop, I must use that idiot keyboard in the lab. Oh my God. That’s seriously torturing me. I can’t imagine what grade will I get for those works at the end of the semester. Arghhh.

Timetable sucks. When Kev having his break, I’m having my class. The most terrible part is that we don’t even have time to pass the car key to another. For example, tomorrow. I’ve totally no idea how am I suppose to get the key from him. His class starts at 9am till 11am, 2 hours break,  starts again at 1pm till 8pm. While my class will starts at 11am till 1pm and starts again at 5pm till 7pm. Damn. The morning class is still fine for me cause what I need to do is fetch him to school in the morning, give him the key and starts my class. It’s lucky that our class are near to each others. Thus, it won’t be a matter for passing the keys. Now, the 1pm parts that struggled me. This is due to the long distance between our class venues. His class will be on the east side and mine will be on the west side. I finally came out with 2 sucks options. First, he gave me the key, and late for his class. Second, I’ll go to his classroom, ask him to come out for a while to pass me the keys. Sigh. I wonder, is it possible to duplicate the car keys? Fuhhh!

Just finished my lunch. Didn’t manage to eat anything during lunch break cause I accompanied my friend to buy the super glue, her shoes torn off. I was keep laughing at her cause she was wearing it to class. I just don’t understand, why she doesn’t wear another pair instead of wearing it since it’s half torn. Anyway, there’s nothing much I can eat in this house. The tap was torn off and there’s no other source to get clean water as the filter goes with the tap in the kitchen. Sigh. I wonder when will my house mate willing to find a repairman to fix it. I can’t survive without water. I can’t cook at all. Even the drinking water, I bought it from the supermarket. Geez. Everyday RM7, a month will be RM210. What if he does not fix it this semester? I assume this semester lasts for 6 months. RM210 multiply by 6.. RM1,260!! It costs me RM630 after dividing it with Kev!! Just for drinking purpose, not to mention my lunch costs and so on. F*ck.

As I mentioned in my last post, I never buy the right thing. My mattress was out of shape and thus, I went to buy a new one few days ago. Not a lousy brand I can tell, and of course, not a poor quality as well. For sure, I’ve learned my lesson during my previous purchase of my mattress. Guess what? It’s worser than before. I can hardly go to bed every night. Maybe it’s the pillow which causes my insomnia. But what can I do? I’ve bought 2 pillows previously. Sigh. I knew that I’m a freaking idiot in purchasing. And yet, I wished to buy a blender. Kev doesn’t seems to agree with it. I understand and I knew that I won’t use it as often as I thought. Honestly, there’s a lot of things I bought here but yet it’s now dusted in the cupboard. I even bought a non-stick pan, cause I cooked quite often last semester. However, I don’t think I’ll cook that often due to the idiot timetable. Money keep wasting and I feel more guilty. Not to mention my textbooks lying on the shelf, saying ‘hi’ to the dust everyday. Geez. Guess I gotta stop calculating my unnecessary expenses. Else, I won’t be able to forgive myself.

Another hour and I’ll be fetching Kev back home. I can’t wait for him to get home. He must be exhausted. His class are much more packed than mine. Poor him. He told me that luckily I didn’t choose his course. However, honestly, I prefer taking the same course with him though it’s much more tougher and stressed than my current majors. At least, I have more time to be with him, able to share what he’s experiencing. I wanna let him know that, he’ll never be alone and I’m always willing to be here to share and stay with him. Oh well, it’s always easy to say. I might be crying at the end of the day if I’d chosen his course.

I miss Vix. She’s so cool nowadays. I can rarely talk to her. Sometimes, I even feel that she hates talking to me. There’s not much topics left between us. I’ve totally no idea what she’s struggling with. Oh, maybe her homework and the ex-files. Undeniable, I’m not a good advisor. She felt worser after talking to me. Trust me, I knew it. That makes me feel worser, I’m always seeking help from her but she needs someone, I’m always the not helpful one. That’s what she used before to describe me and yet, I admit.

I’m sorry, gal. I seriously tried my very best to cheer you up. I know it doesn’t helps at all. Or maybe say it this way, I’ve no idea what struggled you that serious. In KK, you cried because it’s hard for you to meet him. I understand, I know. Now, you’re so close to him. You’re able to meet him once he’s out from camp, you complaint because you only have few hours with him. Seriously, don’t you think it’s better than before? On the other hand, the ex-files that bothers you the most. I understand, I know. From the day you knew him, you knew that he got exes as well. You decided to be with him and you said you won’t care about his past. I admit, sometimes I’ll feel bad as well when it comes to Kev’s exes. But still, I must accept the fact that happened between both of them. Please, don’t let it bother you anymore. Though you have some similarities with them, so what? I’ve some similarities with Kev’s exes as well. She even looks prettier than me! Trust him, gal. When he choosed you, it means that he loves you. Those similarities you mentioned, doesn’t really sounds logic because a lot of girls had such similarities as well. You’re unique! Trust God’s creativity, He never creates a same person in this Earth. Twins does have differences as well. Let go, girl. Give yourself a chance to have a better life. In Singapore, you’re able to start everything from beginning. The most important part is, you have your own privacy now. Remember, you always have a choice, the you are always the decision maker. Whether to live happier or not, it depends on yourself. Don’t and never underestimate yourself.

Enough for now then, it’s almost time to fetch Kev. Muackz, I love you, girl. Hope to hear from you soon. Miss you!!

x0×0,

trishby

I’ll never get the right thing.. July 19, 2009

Second post for today. I was in a dilemma should I write this out. Finally, I decided to write it out. I must admit that, girls are very sensitive and fragile. Guys, handle with care please.

Kev’s mum was so kind today, gave me some mangoes. I was so grateful and tend to buy back her something. I knew that Tong Hing supermarket tends to sale some Taiwan products and so both Kev and I went there to find something meaningful to her. End up, Kev suggested me to buy the wasabi beans. He told me that his mum likes it. I was so happy on the way to his house, because at last, I bought something different for his family. Previously, I bought some pears to his house. Guess what happened? His parents just bought a lot of different kinds of fruit back for their sons. I felt like, I bought something too much for them which causes them a burden in finishing all the fruits. Today, again, I bought the wrong thing.

When I arrived Kev’s house, I saw his mum and greet her. Only then, I heard from her voice that she’s experiencing some sort of sore throat. I was shocked. Sigh. I knew I bought the wrong thing again. At that moment, I feel so bad but Kev keep comforting me, saying that his mum likes it after she first tasted it at her friend’s house. I felt better after listening to him. After couple of minutes, he tends to send me back home. While he was at the dining room, I heard a voice of his mum, asking him to get the beans back to Miri. I feel so bad at that moment, I don’t know should I walk out to show them my existence cause I think his mum does not expect that. But still, I walked out slowly and greet his parents. Geez. Yeah, I was trying to show my politeness.

While on my way back, I remain quiet. My tears nearly burst out. I’ve no idea why am I so poor in buying things. I always buy the wrong thing. I feel like, wasting my money to buy meaningless items. I tried so hard to keep myself calm and continue my conversation with Kev. I admit, I was too sensitive. But I just can’t control myself. Now, when I thought back, I felt myself very idiot, how come I’ll have such thoughts. Sometimes, I even felt so scared while facing his family though they didn’t boycott me. But yet, I can feel that my existence brought nothing but uncomfortable to them. Sigh.

Anyway, getting late, getting tired. I feel like going to bed now. I’ll feel better by tomorrow. This I can tell. Nights everyone out there.. Tata~

I’m back~ July 18, 2009

It’s been ages again for me not updating my blog. Suddenly, I felt so sorry for WordPress and thus I’m here to write something. Nothing special but at least refreshing my blog. Not sure will I change the layout of my blog later. I’ll see how then~

I’m finally back to my hometown. The feeling doesn’t goes right. Everything seems to be so different without Viv here. The only person I’m hanging out with besides my parents is Kev. He is the only one hanging around with me. Of course, I do meet some friends but not much of them I can tell. Call me anti-social. Or maybe, I just don’t like hanging around with a bunch of friends at once. I’ve totally no idea how to handle them together. I’m like an idiot, just saying ‘ How are you?’ ‘What course are you taking now?’ ‘Is it fun?’ and so on which is so damn sucky. That is why I’ll only find Viv when I’m back to my hometown. I don’t need to say something stupid or idiot. We can just talk from day till night though sometimes it might be some nonsence but it’s meaningful nonsense I can tell.

Another thing is, my dad keep forcing me to meet my relatvies and keep telling how well I did in my exams. I hate it. It basically stressed me out. What if I didn’t do well in my coming semester? Damn him. But that wasn’t the worst part. I hate socializing with my relatives. Oh well, depends on who as well. I hate talking to those cheap idiots. I’ve totally no idea why she can even request me to buy her dessert. Hello? I’m not working yet. I don’t even have any income yet. It’s suppose to be you who request to buy me dessert. Sigh. Even my friend’s parents treat me better. At least they won’t come to my house, or call to my mobile requesting my mum or I to buy them something.

Next semester is starting soon. Wish me luck. And of course, hope that my OASIS, Blackboard and Moodle won’t appear the same problem like last semester again. Fuhhh~

Why Am I Always In A Rush? April 19, 2009

Oh well, trying to rush my assignment again. Sigh. Can’t blame anyone bout that because I’m the one who starts late. I’ve two team mates with me. However, one got sick and another was trying to rush another assignment in hand. Gosh. Does that mean that I gotta rush the whole assignment on my own again. I’ve no confident in doing well the assignment. All of them out there are my seniors and for sure their outstanding work will shows how sucky my assignment was. Damn. I hate that feeling.

School re-open tomorrow and I’m totally not prepared at all. I need to edit part of my individual presentation, I need to rush my group assignment, I need to do my accounting exercise and pass it up tomorrow at 8am, and plenty of 3 more group assignments waiting for me. Why the hell always I’m the one to lead my group? Why can’t they come and tell me what should I do, what should I prepare? I don’t feel like being a leader. Not to mention I’m not OFFICIALLY their leader. What is the leader doing? Waiting for me to do the work? If so, I wanna be the leader as well, so I don’t have to rush like hell.

It’s gonna be a sy day for me. I gotta rush a lot of my stuff before tomorrow. But yet, I’m still not in the mood for these. I tend to wake myself early this morning so that I’ll be able to have more time to do more things. Hah. I didn’t manage to do so. No idea why. I used to wake up very early but not today. Normally, Kev is the one staying in bed, waiting for me to wake him. However, these days, he is the one woke up early and wake me up. Is it because he need to work hard in his game with his bro, that’s why he can wake up early? Oh well, then what the hell does it related to me? Why I just can’t wake up until I have a cold shower? I’m now still feeling so tired.. Resistent low? Fuhhhhh.

Again, the stupid Playfish turning me down. I can’t even get in Pet Society for almost 2 weeks. I got fed up and went to mail them. 2 days gone, there’s no response from them. The funniest part is, Kev and Viv can get in but not me. Sigh. Tell me what’s the problem with my account.. I didn’t even hack it, why torture me? And also the Restaurant City. Been loading for almost half an hour, I wonder are they so many stuff needed to be loaded? Why takes so long? Luckily there’s a game called DotA. It helped a lot for me to kill time and of course, addicted. I can’t tell it is a good thing for me. Why? Cause I’m in a dilemma in myself again. Fuhhh. I hate it!

Maybe it’s time for me to stop writing craps here. I’m still thinking what should I do after this post. Continue my assignment? Or rush my homework? Or or, I should edit my individual presentation? Or or or, I should go to the supermarket to buy food for my whole week? Or or or or, I should get a game for myself to relax before I start my stupid work? Or or or or or… Arghh. Damn!

Yeah, I Deserve It….. April 7, 2009

I’m back to KK and as usual, Kev, Viv and I dota again. Oh well, of course with Kev’s little bro, Leon too. And as usual as well, Kev being harsh on me for the game again.

I seriously have no idea why I’m always being said in the game. When I was his team mate, he’ll use his “harsh” voice on me; when I was his enemy, he’ll use his “harsh” words on me. To be honest, he is the one taught me how to backdoor. I never did that before when I played with Human instead of AI and thus I’ve no idea that it will causes me being banned from the game when applying it on Human. He didn’t tell me either. He even used that skill often whenever we’re in deep shit. Today, I suddenly have such thought when I saw him almost getting into my base. Guess what happened? Yeah, my fault and my bad again though he used that on Human before.

Then, he requested for rematch. Viv and I as usual agreed and again we’re into the game. His first sentence was “Follow Garena rules”. Okay, I’m seriously being warned. I purposely didn’t choose Rhasta (The hero I’m majoring) but Vengeful Spirit. I also purposely didn’t tell them when Viv is gone. Of course, without Viv, I’ll still try my best because I want to prove to him without backdoor, I can handle the game alone as well. I don’t think he will realize that I can’t stop my tears since his “harsh” words occur on the screen in the first game till the last seconds I offline, not even Viv.

It’s always this game caused him to be so harsh but still I’m always in this game. Why? Because I always thought that he won’t do the same thing again in the next game. He will never understand how it feels when the person he loved most keep on stepping on him once again and again just because of a game. It sounds ridiculous, but yes, I do care and I mind being treated that way. I’m too much and I never deny it.

I’m not sure whether he realized that I was unhappy. First time in ever I don’t feel like talking to him after the game. Normally, I can act as if I’m fine and let it be after swallowing everything . But sorry, not for today. Yeah, I’m a bitch.